


I do...I do not.

by NeekaMagdalene



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25591960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeekaMagdalene/pseuds/NeekaMagdalene
Summary: It is the night before Lucy's wedding and she has a million questions racing through her head. Is she making a mistake, is this something that will make her happy? Will she regret her choices? A story about Lucy having to stand up and choose for herself. Does she...or does she not?
Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Lucy Heartfilia
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone (✯◡✯) This is a new fanfiction that I have come up with after seeing an interesting writing prompt on the internet. I hope that you will enjoy the story and as always, comments are appreciated and loved with every fibre of my being.

Breath in. Breath out.

It was happening.

Looking at herself in the full-length mirror, Lucy Heartfilia finally felt what she expected she would experience weeks ago- stress. Stress from the waiting, stress from the planning, stress from the whole situation. And nervosity, panic. And most of all, fear. This shit was big. Bigger than she thought and bigger than she has ever wanted it to be. She always told herself that she knew what she wanted, what she has strived to achieve. She had it all figured out. She had a plan and she wanted to experience it all.

_She wanted to live._

She was in charge. And for quite some time she believed it, too. That was one of the reasons she ran away. In her father's mansion, she existed. She just...was. On her own, as her own person, she lived.

It wasn't perfect. It was scary, it was smelly, sometimes it downright sucked and it frightened the heck out of her blonde butt. At home she never took care of anything, she never had to put on her own clothes or, god forbid, prepare her own food. That was unbecoming of a lady. And now she suddenly had to buy food. And cook. And clean. And do laundry. Then there were living expenses and clothing expenses and travelling expenses and about a gazillion of other expenses that had to be covered if she wanted to survive. Nobody would give her anything for free, everything cost money - money which she did not have anymore. But Lucy Heartfilia was nothing if not resilient and even in that new world she learned to live. She made mistakes, wrong choices and whatnot. She hurt a lot and loved a lot and that caused her to hurt a lot more. Maybe she could have done a better job. Smooth the edges, clear the wrinkles - improve the overall picture. Maybe her father's way would have been easier. But after breaking the chains of her childhood she absolutely refused to let anyone else rule over her. She has longed for that freedom for far too long.

Fairy Tail gave it all to her.

Nobody ordered her around, nobody organized her life - she was able to do anything and everything she wanted to do. All the options, all the possibilities - she finally stepped over the fence that kept her in. So many doors to open, so many paths to take. It was her own story, handwritten by her own choices, and she found the writing exhilarating. There were no ridiculous expectations to live up to and no pressure to behave in a certain way. Fairy Tail accepted Lucy as she was - with all her virtues and all her vices, and for that, she would be forever grateful. After the years of repression and strict discipline meant to ‘root out her unacceptable traits’, and make her into a proper pretty little doll, she was finally starting to see that she was perfect the way she was. She could be herself, freely and unabashedly, with the knowledge that there was always someone who was rooting for her. Who believed in her finding her own way, shape and form of happiness. In Fairy Tail, Lucy was loved, not despite all her mistakes but because of them.

In Fairy Tail, Lucy was able to be fully… _Lucy_. In Fairy Tail, the new Lucy was born and she was sweet and brave and loved drinking strawberry smoothies and she cried for her friends at least a million times before standing up and fighting for them.

However, seeing her form in the large mirror now, unwanted flashbacks popped into her head. Memories of her life as an heiress. Of the cage she used to call home. Of the way she has lived, thinking that there was nothing else for her and this was the only way. Of all the fear and pain and loneliness she had to endure. Her body looked ravishing in the simple white dress, the pink lines of her guild mark on her hand standing out against the smooth fabric. The very proof of her freedom, forever adorning her palm.

 **She** was in charge.

She was free.

And yet...

Shaking her head, as if to banish the lingering voices, Lucy shrugged out of the gown. It fell smoothly down her body, pooling on the ground around her ankles. The lace glinted around her ankles before the ray of light shifted and they blended with the rest of the scrunched dress. She stepped over the fabric as if she was walking out of a dream. There was no cage. She wanted this. She chose this. Nobody forced her to agree or disagree - the choice was hers to make. So were the consequences, once she decided to go through with it.

Fairy Tail taught her how to live for herself. It was her home, her first real haven. She felt brave and powerful when her family surrounded her, the belief in her own strength coming to her easily. She loved it, all of it. But Fairy Tail disbanded, with Master gone and its members scattered around.

And Lucy realized that she was alone once more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the second chapter of my new story :) This one is a bit longer, so I hope you will like it :) As always, thank you for taking the time to read my work and leaving me a review so I can improve :)

She tried her best to get by. Even though her family was not beside her anymore, she was determined to carry their wills along. Even if the physical form of her guild didn’t exist anymore, Lucy would keep the spirit of Fairy Tail alive. Knowing that there was no way she could stay anywhere near her old home, she moved away from Magnolia to preserve her sanity and keep her mind from breaking down every time she saw the Guild hall. Travelling Fiore for some time at first, she tried to find a place she could call her home - at least for a short amount of time. After all, her beloved guild was going to come back together one day, she was sure of it.

She simply refused to join another guild, despite some of her guildmates doing so. Lucy would never hold it against them - they did what they believed was for the best. They all had to live, after all, and living was rather expensive. For her, however, Fairy Tail was her first and only one. Joining another guild and thriving there would prove that her beloved guild was not needed. That she could do without it. That there was no reason for it to return.

Lucy refused that with every ounce of her being.

After a lot of small missions and train rides, she arrived in the capital. Crocus was just as lively as she remembered it, and it calmed her heart to see it unchanged. Her home might have been gone, but her friends still had theirs. She considered going to the palace and asking the king for a job, but as she was walking along the busy main square one particular building caught her gaze.

The Sorcerer's headquarters.

A light bulb.

Working for a newspaper, she would be able to keep an eye on everyone. She could find the guildmates that had gotten lost. She would be able to meet with them again, talk with them again, be with them again. Maybe... Maybe she would even find HIM. Quickly making up her mind, she went straight to the entrance. As opposed to the wooden buildings surrounding it, this one was made of stone - the Sorcerer was a very popular magazine after all. They could easily afford it. 

Opening the door, the blonde looked around in awe. She thought the headquarters looked lavish from the outside - when in reality it was the interior that really showed the publication's enormous success and its subsequent wealth.

Print-outs of the most popular covers adorned the walls of the reception, right beside some of Sorcerer's awards. The reception desk was made from mahogany - the most expensive wood after the business with its main producer, the neighbouring country, worsened. Soft looking leather couches had sheep rugs thrown over them. The entire left side formed a comfortable waiting area, with a glass conference table in between them. The light came in through floor to ceiling high windows which showed a view of a well-trimmed french garden.

The entire entrance hall was filled with marble and glam and poise. It was clearly designed to impress anyone who saw it, showing off the power and style of the business it represented. Lucy remembered similarly impressive buildings from her childhood, ones that she was not allowed to wander anywhere in. She had to stay near her father, go where he told her to and keep quiet while he went on about his business.

With a monthly revenue of almost 30 million jewels, Sorcerer was one of the best-selling and most profitable publications in Fiore. They had the name to push their claim through, they had the means to go for their goals and they had the funding necessary to get basically anything they wanted. There was a very limited list of things they were unable to achieve, once they have decided to go for it. Yes, Sorcerer could definitely make her dreams come true.

Smiling at the man behind the desk, she asked to see the one person she believed would help her in this situation. He owed her and her guild a few favours, and time has come to start collecting what she was due.

Jason agreed to see her immediately, his voice as excitable as ever. It got significantly less excitable once she has arrived into his office, sat down and told him about her plans and especially his role in them.

“Listen, baby. I love you. You know that. But this, this is a big thing you are asking. I would be putting my reputation on the line if I try to push this, and even then I cannot guarantee the result.” He said, looking straight into Lucy’s eyes.

She was having none of this. He was trying to slip away, to avoid the risk and take the easy route.

There was no easy route.

“Jason, you owe us. You owe _me_. Now I am here and I need you and all you give me are empty words and false promises about how you will _try_. I know that you are not one for staying in somebody’s debt.” She spoke the carefully chosen words, her voice firm. This all depended on her ability to convince him. “I also know how influential you are in here. So cut the crap. Stop telling me about all the things you cannot guarantee and tell me what you can do for me.”

It was the one time she stood up to him. In all the years she has known him, she has never gathered the courage before. He was loud and brash and obnoxious and she has accepted it all when they became friends. She helped him plan the first date he has ever gone on, she went with him to pick the ring he planned to propose with and she held his head above the toilet when he drunk himself to oblivion once he realized that it was all over. He has bragged and he has nagged and she was there through it all, unwavering and strong in her friendship. So, he promised that one time when she needed him, he would be there. Anything she asked, anything she wanted – if it was in his power, it was hers.

But right there and then, at that moment in his office, she asked for his influence and he was reluctant to give it. So, probably for the first time in her life, Lucy demanded what she knew she was owed. Once, when they were lying in bed, she asked him what made him agree and he told her that it was the fiery look in her eyes. A flaming desire that demanded to be heard. He knew that it will destroy more than it will be able to gain. He knew that the venture was not worth it. But oh, how beautifully it burned.

It captured him as nothing else could.

It captured her as nothing else did.

And so, they started working together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not writing for so long, however, life happened and it sucks and I have little motivation to write anymore :/ Hopefully, this chapter will make someone happier than I am at the moment. As always, thank you for the kudos and for reviewing.

At first, it was scary. Lucy, no matter how used to writing she was, has never experienced the stress of deadlines and time crunches. All her life, writing was her one joy, the one thing where she could express what she was feeling in the way she was feeling it. There was no right or wrong way of doing it, there were no rules boxing her in and demanding that she pretends that pink is yellow and round is straight. Her writing was freedom and she wrote and wrote until all her words were out and the world wasn’t so complicated anymore. Her team used to love her writing, sneaking into her writing table to read a few pages from time to time. Especially Natsu, in all his grinning, toothy glory.

_“That looks so cool, Luce! How could you come up with that? I could never do that! But you should put more fights in there, that would make it awesome. Right, Happy?”_

He would always tell her that, beaming at her from the table with pages from her novel all over his lap. That silly, silly man. He gave so much so freely, as if completely unafraid of betrayal. Of the sadness and pain and all the _scum_ of the world. One would look at him and think he didn’t know them at all. Sometimes when he came through the window, she would be working at her table, too enamoured by the story to pay him any attention, too entranced to even notice him there. Every single time he would sit down on her covers and watch her as she wrote. He was quiet, he was gentle, he was very…, unlike his usual firecracker nature.

She always got embarrassed once she got out of her zone and kept asking why he did that.

He never said more than that it made him happy to see her like that. That she should never stop writing. For herself…and for him. 

And she wrote and wrote because his words made her heart weak and open and full at the same time and his smile was so bright and there were stories that begged to be told.

But once she started to write for a living, it changed. Suddenly the freedom has vanished and there was a million different rules and suggestions about what she should write and what she shouldn’t write, what would be popular and what would sell more copies. She couldn’t just pour her mind out as she was used to, that would not be attractive for the readers. Now she had to write dull articles filled with useless, trite nonsense and pages full of juicy looking, but in reality truly empty sentences.

Meaningless. 

It felt meaningless.

After the first month, Lucy was bored out of her mind. Her body revolted at the mere thought of producing any more texts about the utterly dim model of the month who has achieved exactly zero accomplishments throughout their life except being lucky enough to be young and gorgeous. About the rich son inheriting a company he didn’t know how to manage and property he eventually couldn’t afford to keep as his riches disappeared and his lucky stars seemed to wane.

All the while, she was no closer to reaching her goal. She has managed to find and keep tabs on almost everyone from her guild even before joining the redaction, but the one person she desperately wished to find was nowhere to be found. She has tried time and time again and there were no clues, no hints about his location. He has vanished and there was nothing of him left, nothing but pain from the heart he has taken with him while the body he cruelly left behind remained firm in its longing to follow him.

The job was safe and cushy and brought her more than enough money to live comfortably but her heart still longed for Magnolia and the life she had there. The adventure and fun and even the danger, anything was better than the mundane tediousness of everyday life.

Jason knew that she has struggled not to burn out. He knew that she has hoped to find the next destination on her journey. He stayed with her and helped her in any way he knew how, asking all his sources to immediately inform him if they heard about anyone from Fairy Tail. He stood by her side as she looked for her family, as she celebrated whenever she found someone and as she cried when the map remained empty. Seeing her suffering through her job, he took it upon himself to teach her how to attract her readers and how to keep them hooked for more than they eventually signed up for. He introduced her to the art of choosing the right structure and captivating the audience with the story she wished to tell through the words she has chosen to use. 

As time has passed, they have grown closer than ever. Jason was a good man and he stood by Lucy, and in her situation, she appreciated the stability his position has offered. He was very much willing to help, to take her under his wing and show her how she could fly all on her own, content in knowing that one day Fairy Tail will be back and he will be left behind as she joined her family. He accepted it the moment she has started to lean into him when his hands lingered on her shoulder and he has let her. Whatever it was between them, it was not meant to last. It was _temporary_. He needed warmth and she needed support and together they made beautiful music which hung in the air like the first spring blossoms. Vivid, captivating, but ultimately only meant for those short moments of joy before falling down in the tiniest of puffs.

He held her close as she has kissed his lips for the first time and she knew that it wasn’t fair but she couldn’t bring herself to stop. She was hurting too much and he was there and his arms were firm. And he knew what they were, and what they were not. What they would never be.

And so, they started living together.


End file.
